if you’re reading this i’m beautiful
"How are your grades?"
"What are you majoring in?"
"Have you got a girlfriend?"
"What do you want to do when you graduate?"
wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said
"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"
then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming
sloths are cute but their skeletons are fucking creepy i mean
looks like something a nightmare pooped out
- Outside the bedroom: EXCUSE ME I am a classy strong woman who demands respect do not patronize me you fucks
- Inside the bedroom: Oh Master I'm a dirty little slut please slap me tie me up gag me and choke me i belong to you